Can having sex with only one man make you a nearly virgin? If so, that is me. And damn, I must admit, I feel something has been missing from my life forever. Most women my age (fourtish) have experimented and tried out different models of the male animal. And here I am, nearly about old, and I have never seen many of the aforesaid models, much less strapped one on for a test drive. And precisely how does a woman (past her prime, alas) go about capturing one of these specimens of manhood for personal experimentation? Maybe a baited trap? Any sophisticated and alluring attributes I ever possessed have faded long ago and long been forgotten. A deep pit, covered with brush, and a prayer that some likely prospect will come strolling by and fall in, thereby becoming the victim of my adolescent fantasies? I am too lazy to dig a hole to plant a flower, much less a pit over six feet deep to hold him hostage while I have my wicked way with him. Maybe a gentle nudge with the bumper of my car as he walked along the road, to make him somersault into the ditch, thereby stunning him into immobility, giving me time to leap on him.
What are the perfect specifications I should look for in the quest for amorous adventure? Size should be the first requisite I would think. Any red blooded American woman should realize that a tank full to the brim is much more advantageous than a tank only half filled. And stamina….not enough can be said about this I am afraid. What would be the point of riding in a race car and only getting ¾ of the way to the finish line? Every woman should want to cross that line, carry the checkered flag and say “YES!”, “YES!” as she soared to victory. The ride of the machine should also be of prime importance. Who wants to ride on a bumpy old John Deere tractor when the ride of a Cadillac is much smoother and fulfilling to the driver? Should I check his teeth, his oil, his tires?
Is it worth it, this quest for knowledge I have to test-drive and decide the performance of other vehicles of pleasure? Is any one better than another? All in all, I have to believe that I am better off alone in my quest for personal fulfillment. I will drive alone, not to be tempted to stray from my path of self-imposed near virginity. And wonder what I missed.
3 comments:
Excellent post, sis. You seem to have been a writer in another life. By the way, this thing will only let Blogger users comment, it takes a password. Oh well, nice tohave you on board.
..wow... you just gave "sex drive" a whole new meaning...
Hey Donna haven't you ever heard the song, about wanting a number 10, but waking up with a number 1? You have to hang out in the bar til lights out, or maybe go there right before then.....
I've only been in one bar in my life, so what do I know anyway. Ask someone at Waffle House, a lot of marriages here in Coweta Co GA are begun by meeting at a coffee house....
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